It seems that the lagging economy has even affected Spring Breakers this year.   Many college studetns have decided to stay a little closer to home adn travel by car rather than plane.

But before you leave on that road trip, there are a few things you must remember when taking the long road trip down to the sunny beaches of wherever your going:

1. Before you leave, make sure you havea all forms of identification necessary for the trip (fakes included).
2. Try to pack your luggage into a comfortable order.  If you’re taking a big enough car, allow for room to relax.
3. If your cramped in the car, make sure all windows can roll down.  Once you hit the warm weather, the first thing you’re going to want is to smoke with the windows down and/or put your smelly feet out the window to stretch.
4. Bring plenty of drinks and snacks, preferably ones that are caffeinated and high in sugar for the drivers.  Beef jerky is also a must.
5. Pack a bottle of caffeine pills or fat burners in the glove compartment.  There isn’t enough caffeine and sugar in the snacks to keep a person awake while driving through Georgia (the state’s longer than you think).
6. If you choose to take recreational substances (beer, ganj, etc.), be sure to take in moderation.  You don’t want to shorten the week anymore than it already is.  And DO NOT, we repeat, DO NOT think you can consume these items while driving.  Don’t ruin your spring break.
7. When selecting the car to use, be smart.  Don’t borrow someone’s POS ‘88 two door cavalier and pack in five people.  If there are four plus people, try to get a family vehicle (van, suv, wagon, etc.).  They may not get as good of gas mileage, but six people will still keep the cost reasonable.  Two cars are not a bad idea either for five or more people.
8. Whoever’s car is used, they should be waived from paying for gas.  Even if the car does not need to be fixed after the trip, he’s willing to put on a possible thousand plus miles in seven days or less.
9. Bring plenty of music.  Regardless of what direction you’re driving in, you’re bound to catch a black hole of radio stations.  Or even worse, the only two stations available for a hundred miles is shit we torture terrorists with 24/7.  Plus, your burned copy of Dave will eventually get old and make everyone very uncomfortable and restless.
10. Sleep on teh trip as much as possible.  There are many landscapes on the way that are not worth staying awake for, and you want to be as rested as possible ’cause you ain’t gonna want to sleep much over break.  Plus, it’s like being a kid on Christmas Eve.  the sooner you go to sleep, the quicker tomorrow comes.
11. If you’re traveling in multiple cars, try to get your hands on a couple of walkie talkies.   This will cut down on your cell phone bill, because you’ll be roaming once you leave school.  Another advantage is picking up other people on the walkie talkies and perhaps making friends before you get to the beach.
12. Bring a dry erase board.  You’re gonna want to have some fun with the other drivers on the trip.
13. Make sure you have some type of driving order and equal separation of driving time among your group.  You don’t want to get stuck driving longer than you have to.
14. To shorten the trip, go to the bathroom everytime you fill up.  You want to reduce the risk of having to pull off onto a random exit, search for the nearest gas station, and waste more time because Johnny forgot to take a leak earlier.
15. Bring something to keep you entertained.  A magazine, some Mad Libs, or even your old GameBoy you had packed away in the closet for three years.  The “name game” and trying to figure out how many words begin with the letter ‘Q’ only goes so far.
16. DO NOT BRING YOUR SCHOOL BOOKS!  Even if you swore to yourself that you’d get some homework done over break, you’re not going to.  Doing school work over break defeats the purpose of going and you won’t do it once you’re down there.  TRUST US.
17. Try to check the weather before you leave.  If there’s supposed to be tornadoes flying around on the trip, you’re going to want to pick the perfect driver for that shift.
18. If you get the opportunity to sit “shot-gun”, don’t disrespect it.  You’re the drivers wingman, and unless they give you permission to catch a few z’s, he/she will want you to stay up and entertain them.
19. Check the engine oil pressure and tire pressure!  Try to prevent the least amount of problems for that long road trip.
20. Have enough money to get home.  Yeah, we know.  Who wants to come home?  But if you don’t have neough money to get home, you certainly do not have enough to stay anywhere with four walls and a roof for an extra week.  Your not going to want to end up pulling scores at Chuck’s “Chick” Strip just to get back.

That’s about all we can think about in our pre-Spring Break fogged up minds.  Remember, these are tried and tested!  We wouldn’t want to have to say we “Told you so!”

We college kids undoubtedly have a subculture unto ourselves. Some people play basketball, we play beer pong. Some people wait all year for Christmas or Thanksgiving, we wait all year for St. Patty’s Day, New Years Eve, and Superbowl Sunday. Some drink orange juice for breakfast, we throw back a Busch Light because we hear its a good cure for that hangover. We can turn anything into a drinking game.

We live in our own world, a world where jungle juice seems like a good idea, being awake at 4 a.m. is normal, “wanna do a body shot” is a sufficient pick-up line, and 21st birthdays are an entity unto themselves. We have become aware that alchohol makes us say, do, and wear things that would, in a sober state, be out of the question. Watching our friend make out with a stranger in front of cheering spectators is raw comedy, kegerators become the greatest invention the world has ever seen, and we “discover” things that seem utterly amazing…like malt liquor…and Beerios…

We nickname beers. If we’re at the bar and we ask for a “Beast” or a “Natty,” the bartender knows what we’re talking about because he’s probably in college too. We have drunken alter-egos and we name them. A few sots down the hatch and we suddenly turn into “Rico Suave” the tequila-chugging wonder…We are experts at Kings, never running out of tricky categories or a clever rule. We draw on the faces of passed out friends, we know that empty fifths make great decorations in our apartments (also note: empty kegs can be sweet coffee tables), and we have done a “shotski”.

We make friends while we are drunk and we assign them an adjective that will forever precede their name in order to distinguish them from the rest of the “friends” we make while drunk (also because we do not know their last names.) “Sloppy Tom,” “Chicago Sarah,” and “Creepy Steve” will always be near and dear to our hearts.

We have no money because we spent it all on beer. This, unfortunately, is also why we drink Povov and Crazy Horse, and trust us, that takes heart. It grows on us after awhile…or after we’ve taken too many shots to remember that what we’re drinking tastes like gasoline. The lack of money situation is also why if we see someone sipping a Corona, they are a baller, and we will make friends with them.

After a long night of bonging beers at a house party, bravely resisting the urge to drunk dial (and/or drunk IM) all of our ex-boyfriends, then going shot-for-shot with a frat boy at the bar, we wake up hugging an empty box of wine in our underwear on our best friend’s kitchen floor with a million questions running through our pounding heads. We wake up with random incoherent numbers in our cell phones (”Who the hell is ‘grEenshirtb4oy’?”), random pictures on our cameras (”Look, here’s one of so-and-so humping that Corona guy on the dance floor…”), a mere 73 cents left in our wallets (”I didn’t know Hold ‘em was a drinking game?”), and a desperate desire to lay in bed for the rest of our lives…it is then that we swear off drinking forever…for real….we really mean it this time….

Yet, after shotgunning a brewski or two and kickin back with a 40, we head to the shower, beer in hand, and get ready to begin our evening once again. It takes balls, simply put. We know how to party. We have honed and perfected our art. We are lushes, bar stars, and boozehounds.

Why do we act this way you ask? Because we can. Because in 4 short, blurry years we will have to enter the “real world”. So for the time being we will live it up…As long as there are beers to be drank and shots to be taken, we will be there…as long as there are case races to be won and frat houses to pass out in, we will be there…as long as there are tables to be danced on and annoying eighties songs to sing loudly along to, WE WILL BE THERE!…but we’re not gonna lie, we probably won’t remember it.

Welcome Back to the Fifth Year!!  We ARE the collegiate know-it-all publication!

Hey all you new ass clowns, welcome to the next best 5 years of your life!!  And to those who wrapped themselves around their favorite handle too many times last semester to graduate in 4 years, welcome to the elite club known as The Fifth Year!

We are STRICTLY here for your entertainment…well, we also crave the attention.  Don’t worry, we promise our publication will never be a waste of time.

This is a privately run publication with no relation to any others you may have already encountered and thrown away.  We are college students just tryin’ to make a name for ourselves, and do encourage all of you to fill us in with your input.  The Fifth Year wants your readership and if we have to bribe you to read it by printing interesting stories, games, ideas or other useless facts you may have…well then by-golly, start typing!  Anyways, enough small talk.  We hope you’ll spend as much time–a very long time–talking about us as we did putting it all together!

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